Disclaimer This blog is about the graphic design of burglar alarms and has no connection with the companies featured. Most photos show vintage sounders and are not the latest products of the firms under discussion. For up-to-date info on any company, please visit their official website.
Burglar Alarm Britain
Where vigilante culture meets vernacular design
Category Archives: The law
“Crime Beat Security”, Islington: bell-end
Posted by on January 24, 2013
“Crime Beat Security” burglar alarm, Islington • I’ve already featured the tortuous CBS bell here, but this is a more recent version with a curvier bell-end, and a garland of EU stars. Still a winner – ding dong! • Spotted: Cumming Street, Islington, London, N1, England, 2006 • Politics: In the Labour constituency of Islington South and Finsbury
“Arrest 24:7″, Glasgow: constant apprehension
Posted by on January 3, 2013
“Arrest 24:7″ burglar alarm, Glasgow • Upping yesterday’s 24-7 offer by adding an all-hours felon-apprehension service into the package. Unless they mean “a rest”. • Spotted: Royal Exchange Square, Glasgow, Lanarkshire, G1, Scotland, 2012 • Politics: In the Labour constituency of Glasgow Central
Ghost under “Arrest”, Glasgow: fair cop
Posted by on November 7, 2012
Ghost under “Arrest Security Systems” burglar alarm, Glasgow • Fair cop – ghost arrested. There’s another one here . • Spotted: Merchant City area, Glasgow, Lanarkshire, G1, Scotland, 2010 • Politics: In the Labour constituency of Glasgow Central
“Crimefighter”, Margate: long-lived fist
Posted by on May 3, 2012
“Crimefighter Alarms” burglar alarm, Margate • I’ve already featured a vintage version of this ambiguous fist here, where I noted it was hard to guess if it represented a window-smashing felon or an avenging limb of the law. Either way it’s nice to see the 1984-founded Kent firm still going strong with the same punchy logo, even if their sounders are always too inaccessible for me to take a good shot. Their website informs me they’ve now incorporated another of my favourite crime-related brands, Judge Alarms – I featured one here. • Spotted: Broad Street, Margate, Kent, CT9, England, 2012 • Politics: In the Conservative constituency of Thanet North
“Crime Cure”, Bristol: vintage inverted pocket
Posted by on February 5, 2012
“Crime Cure” burglar alarm, Bristol • This is an absolutely classic sounder, and it makes me chuckle every time I see it. I found it at eye level in downown Bristol, the city that never stops giving great burglar alarm gifts. Everything about it, from my shallow design-based point of view, is good: it’s vintage metal; an unusual “inverted pocket” shape (though I have found one other); rare use of green; amusing name in bold modernist type; and a complex piece of heraldry incorporating eight popular security tropes in a tiny space, namely lions, keys, an eye, a padlock, some bars, a shield, a castle, and even a motto – “protect and deter”. An internet search on “crime cure security” throws up firms in business listings all over the place, including Bristol, but as none have their own websites I’m assuming they’re all defunct.• Spotted: High Street, Bristol, Avon, BS1, England, 2011 • Politics: In the Liberal Democrat constituency of Bristol West
“Minder”, Lambeth: knackered nuclear device
Posted by on February 19, 2011
“Minder” burglar alarm, Lambeth • With its red button light and circuit-laced dial, this it looks like the decaying control panel for some superannuated nuclear device, and is the first of this design I’ve come across. I only found it yesterday, on some railway arches near one of Damien Hirst’s many studios; if I’d discovered it earlier I’d have posted it after the Crime Fighter alarm, whose graphics so reminded me of The Sweeney’s opening credits. Comedy crime caper Minder was Euston Films’ equally classic follow-up, and also starred Dennis Waterman, albeit on the other side of the law – he played Terry McCann, minder of small-time spiv Arthur Daley, for those too young to remember. Minder was big in the 1980s, and though I’m no expert in electronics, the antique wiring on display here appears of the same vintage as Tel-boy’s Ford Capri, and the graphics even older. I only hope Damien Hirst appreciates having such an unusual vintage alarm box opposite his premises. • Spotted: Newport Street, Lambeth, SE1, England, 2011 • Politics: In the Labour constituency of Vauxhall
“Liberty”, Derby: “Noooooo!”
Posted by on February 18, 2011
“Liberty Security” burglar alarm, Derby • To unpack the notions of “Liberty” and “Security” presented here would require more philosophical knowledge than I possess. I prefer to think of this Statue of Liberty not as the quintessential symbol of freedom presumably intended, but as the toppled post-armageddon wreck at the end of Planet of the Apes. Preferably with Homer (Simpson) prostrate before it, wailing “Noooooooooooo!” • Spotted: Town centre, Derby, Derbyshire, DE1, England, 2010 • Politics: In the Labour constituency of Derby South
“Trustee”, Westminster: a taste of porridge
Posted by on February 17, 2011
“Trustee Alarms” burglar alarm, City of Westminster • While proceeding through the burglar alarm category of “the law”, our failed felon has been punched by a policeman, collared by a bevy of boring detectives, sentenced by a transvestite judge, and has now ended up in chokey. Being a pantomime burglar, he soon becomes a “trustee”, a term familiar to watches of classic jail sit-com Porridge as referring to a slightly despised class of prisoners who perform menial duties for the “screws”. His final stop – after the cushy playground of his Sky TV-enabled luxury open prison – will be a in the embrace of a very large woman called Liberty, to be posted tomorrow. • Spotted: Tavistock Street, City of Westminster, London, WC2, England, 2004 • Politics: In the Conservative constituency of Cities of London and Westminster
“Judge”, Herne Bay: cross-dressing for justice
Posted by on February 16, 2011
“Judge Alarms” burglar alarm, Herne Bay • Ah, a stern British judge in his white powdered wig and shiny black tights – what a reassuring picture of justice. I love this hopelessly literal design, though sadly I don’t have an in-focus photo of it. Below the main image is another version which, in an example of perfect product placement, I found on a shop called Chainstore Massacre, offering prices both slaughtered and murdered. These alarms predate the UK’s court dress reforms of 2008 (a controversial redesign by Betty Jackson), prior to which the entire British judiciary seemed to ponce around in bizarre 18th Century fancy dress. Things have loosened up since then, but in many circumstances wigging up is still required, and even today a High Court judge dresses like this on special occasions. If you want to follow suit, the actual wigs are available here, yours in dark blonde or light grey for two grand apiece. A snip! • Spotted: High Street, Herne Bay, Kent, CT6, England, 2004 • Politics: In the Conservative constituency of Thanet North
“Arrest”, Glasgow: policing by stealth
Posted by on February 15, 2011
“Arrest Security Systems” burglar alarm, Glasgow • After days of dull detective work, once Sherlock was brought in an arrest was smartly made. But whereas burglar alarm firms make free with detection themes, they can’t overtly reference the police, so they do it by stealth, employing blue-and-white colour schemes, and names such as this. I once spotted a “Cop” alarm too, somewhere down the immense length of South London’s Old Kent Road (aka Murder Mile, so the Cop is well positioned), but I haven’t managed to re-find it and photograph it yet. • Spotted: Merkland Street, Partick, Glasgow, Lanarkshire, G11, Scotland, 2010 • Politics: In the Labour constituency of Glasgow North
“Videotech”, Islington: detection on drugs
Posted by on February 14, 2011
“Videotech Security” burglar alarm, Islington • I know Sherlock Holmes was into drugs, but this is ridiculous. He’s grown to immense proportions and is squinting at a rubbery gingerbread-style house through a magnifying glass, as if inspecting the chimney for crumbs. It’s more like a suburb of the nightmare world inhabited by the sobbing, half-human house on the scary TR Security alarm than the glossy fusion of Video and Tech promised by the firm’s title. But at least it’s quite amusing, unlike most other detection-themed alarms – as has been demonstrated over last few days. • Spotted: York Way, Islington, London, N1, England, 2010 • Politics: In the Labour constituency of Islington South and Finsbury
“Detect Fire and Security”, Bournemouth: sundowner
Posted by on February 13, 2011
“Detect Fire and Security” burglar alarm, Bournemouth • Even the apricot glow of an autumnal seaside sunset can’t rescue this detective-themed alarm from the depths of dullness. I have a very large set of burglar alarms labelled “boring”, and this is firmly in it. Its tedium prompts me to enter lecture mode: note how the rounded neo-humanist font and smooth DTP drop shadow date its design to the late 1990s or beyond, which shows how telling just a few small design details can be. • Spotted: Pier area, Bournemouth, Dorset, BH2, England, 2008 • Politics: In the Conservative constituency of Bournemouth West
“Detection”, City of London: beyond basic
Posted by on February 12, 2011
“Detection” burglar alarm, City of London • There’s only one word for this design: crap. It is, however, the purest example I have ever found of the “awkward diagonal logo” school of burglar alarm typography. • Spotted: Middlesex Street, City of London, London, E1, England, 2010 • Politics: In the Conservative constituency of Cities of London and Westminster
“Detection Protection”, Lambeth: dated doggerel
Posted by on February 11, 2011
“Detection Protection” burglar alarm, Lambeth • What can I say? Like all the other detection themed alarms, dull, dull dull – and ancient, and faded, and cheaply done – exactly the sort of thing you’d expect to find in a road called Lower Marsh (believe it or not, there’s an Upper Marsh, too). But at least it rhymes! • Spotted: Lower Marsh, Lambeth, London, SE1, England, 2010 • Politics: In the Labour constituency of Vauxhall
“Detec New Romney”, Bexhill: nuclear quill
Posted by on February 10, 2011
“Detec New Romney” burglar alarm, Bexhill • The isolated marsh town of New Romney is more ancient than its name suggests, and I “detec” that this alarm’s been around a long time too. Painstakingly drawn in scratchy pre-DTP pen lines, it combines the tropes of detection and tech in a naive 1970s blast of letters, as if radiating from the ageing nuclear power station at nearby Dungeness. The famous driftwood garden of overrated 1980s film-maker Derek Jarman is also at Dungeness, while Jarman himself lies long-buried in the graveyard of New Romney’s Norman church. Unfortunately he doesn’t add any circularity to my thesis, because I actually found this alarm in Bexhill. • Spotted: Marina Arcade, Bexhill, East Sussex, TN40, England, 2009 • Politics: In the Conservative constituency of Bexhill and Battle
“Detecta Link”, Lowestoft: Detecta Dull
Posted by on February 9, 2011
“Detecta Link Fire & Security Systems” burglar alarm • To catch a thief requires detection, and detection is by its very nature painstaking and procedural, but do alarms featuring a detection theme have to be so dull? The answer, it seems, is yes: and this snorey object is one of the more interesting ones, because at least it’s a bit 1970s, and features sound waves. (In general, concentric circles or arcs seem to represent sound, rather than light.) There are duller to come. • Spotted: Town centre, Lowestoft, Suffolk, NR32, England, 2007 • Politics: In the Conservative constituency of Waveney
“Crimefighter”, Whitstable: “Shut it, you slaaaag!”
Posted by on February 8, 2011
“Crimefighter” burglar alarm, Whitstable • There’s a nice 1970s feel to this, perhaps inspired by seminal TV cop show The Sweeney – though it’s not clear whether the fist represents a window-smashing felon, or a big fat punch from the long arm of the law. I prefer to think it’s the latter, accompanied by Regan and Carter’s immortal phrase: “Shut it, you slaaaaag!” • Spotted: Oxford Street, Whitstable, Kent, CT5, England, 2002 • Politics: In the Conservative constituency of Canterbury
“Crime Stop”, Hackney: the fine art of crime
Posted by on February 7, 2011
“Crime Stop” burglar alarm, Hackney • After a parade of shadowy intruders and pantomime burglars, the time has come to firmly lay down the law. Despite its simple message and drippy background, this manages to sum up the prime directive of all burglar alarms, albeit backwards: stop crime. I actually find its washed-out minimalism rather beautiful – it makes me think of stain paintings by Morris Louis or text works by Ed Ruscha. There’s obviously something very, very wrong with me. • Spotted: Downham Road, Hackney, London, N1, England, 2006 • Politics: In the Labour constituency of Hackney South and Shoreditch
“Securipol”, Westminster: dodgy duo behind MI5
Posted by on January 7, 2011
“Securipol Systems” burglar alarm, City of Westminster, 2010 • I have a soft spot for silhouettes on burglar alarms, with their suggestions of shadowy activity. Despite having so little detail, they are often extremely poorly drawn, and this is no exception: note the Bunny-girl ears on the presumed Alsatian, and the awkward pose of the security guard, with his hint of jackboot on one side, and what appears to be an amputated stump or penile malformation the other. More successful is the equally bodged-up name: Securipol. It’s a naive, unsubtle construction, but one with etymological power, because what instantly springs to mind? Security. Police. Loaded words with classical roots: Latin “securus” (without care) and Greek “polis” (city). It’s rendered in navy and white, which also have police connotations (a trend I’ve noticed on other burglar alarms too), implying that somehow this potato-headed freak and his rabbit-eared mutt are state-sanctioned protectors of the national security. Appropriate then that I found this alarm in Westminster, the heart of British government, on a building situated right behind the HQ of MI5, the UK’s internal security service. Make of that what you will. • Spotted: Horseferry Road, City of Westminster, London SW1, England, 2010 • Politics: In the Conservative constituency of Cities of London and Westminster
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